Does the perfect job exist

I have had enough. Life is too short for this. For around 40 hours each week I am stuck in a job which I am not enjoying. I have followed the easy route, drifting from university into my first job even though I didn’t enjoy doing that job during my work placement. I thought things might change if I get further qualifications. The PhD made me so unbelievably unhappy that I knew I had to do something else. After the PhD I took the risk and applied for jobs for which I had no experience for. And after only a couple of months I was surprised to have found the seemingly perfect job. A job in which I can still apply my scientific knowledge gained during my PhD but also gain some project management skills. Turns out it is not the perfect job. I am so bored. Every day drags and I lack any kind of motivation. I really enjoy working hard and getting stuck into things but this job does not allow me to do this. I am really frustrated. I am nearly 30 years old, have a ton of qualifications but feel like I am back to where I was when finishing college.

I love reading the amazing stories of people on social media who have turned their hobby into their job.  I have spent hours online reading motivational blog posts and following people on twitter who tell me that I can do anything I set my mind to. Running has giving me a huge amount of confidence. I used to be a very unsporty kid and finishing my first marathon in a decent time made me truly believe that there is anything in live I can do if I am willing to put in the time and effort. If I am willing to put in the time and effort. It’s time to stop moaning about my job and putting in the time and effort! Stop envying people who seem to have the perfect job since leaving university! Stop reading the motivational blog posts and actually doing something about it!

The thing is I don’t really know where to start. I don’t know what I would like to do. My lovely husband says I should apply for similar jobs at different companies but I am unsure that this will change the situation. People say you should think about what you enjoyed doing as a kid or what you are enjoying in your free time. I am very passionate about running as it has hugely increased my quality of life however I am unsure how I can turn that into a job. I have been thinking about doing a personal trainer qualification and know that I would love the training but think I need a more mentally challenging job. I have come to realise that my values are very important at finding a job that makes me happy. I know that I need to do a job which has a purpose that I am passionate about.

I used to think that as long as you have a happy and satisfactory private life you don’t need an especially fulfilling job. A job pays the bills and you can do at the weekends and evenings what you really enjoy. That the fulfilling jobs are reserved for the very talented and lucky few. However I can’t deny that my job is making me unhappy even though I have a wonderful private life. And running has made me unable to accept this. Running has given me the confidence and determination that I can change this. This will however take a lot of hard work. Just like marathon training. I wish someone had written a training plan on how to find your perfect job.

Do you think the perfect job exists? Or do you work to pay the bills and enjoy your life at the weekends?

My first ultra: The 5-4-3-2-1 Salisbury trail 50k

Just over a week ago I ran the 5-4-3-2-1 Salisbury trail 50 k. The race is so-called because it includes 5 rivers, 4 hills, 3 large country estates, 2 castles and 1 cathedral. We traveled to Salisbury on Thursday evening and made a little weekend out of it. We spent Friday and Saturday visiting Stonehenge, Old Sarum and walking around the town and the river Avon. I love turning one of my races into a little weekend away with my husband and discovering another pretty English town.

Doing some sightseeing the day before the race. Looking from Old Sarum
towards Salisbury. 

I was super nervous before this race as training in the last 4-5 weeks didn’t go to plan at all. I felt hugely under-prepared. But one thing I learned stepping up to running longer distances is that you never feel truly ready. The forecast of a hurricane with heavy rain and strong winds didn’t help to calm my nervous. I really, really hoped the weather forecast was all wrong.

It was raining as we woke up but as we waited for the start it eased of a bit. The race was organised by the local fire station and therefore was a very low key event. The entry fee was only £17 for the 50k! I love cheap races!!!

Just before the start, being super nervous

Before I knew it we were off running along the Avon River and up to Old Sarum. We ran once round Old Sarum, a mighty old Iron Age hill fort, before heading back towards Salisbury. Soon after, the first speedy marathon runners sprinted past us. At this point I was chatting to a lady who was running with her dog, a beautiful blue eyed husky. She told me that the husky had run a 70 mile race! My husband and I have been taking about getting a dog and I really, really would like a dog I can go running with! After leaving Salisbury we headed up one of many hills. As there were so many hills I started to walk the up’s to preserve energy. Unfortunately that made it really hard to get going again. We had beautiful views from up on the hills and it reminded me of my long runs along the Ridgeway. Luckily the rain stopped and the sun came out which made it all even nicer. 

We also ran past Longford Castle, an amazing old fairy tale castle. These castles really exist! You kind of expected a knight on a horse to ride out of it at any moment. Even though it was really flat at that point I started to struggle a bit. I tried to eat but just didn’t feel like it. More hills followed and I luckily started to talk to a lovely lady which really took my mind of running and made the time fly past. Her name was Tina and I found out that she is German as well. Small world. After running past/through Salisbury race course we arrived at a yew forest. And wow, how beautiful are those yew trees! Right out of Alice in Wonderland. I wouldn’t have been surprised if they started talking to me. I wish I had taken some photos! 

I don’t remember the last bit of the race very well. We came out onto roads about 6 miles from the finish which made it feel like we are nearly at the finish. Which we weren’t. I really started to struggle again. I started talking to a lovely gentleman who I ran with until the finish. Talking takes your mind of running so much. He was also doing 12 minute run, 3 minutes walk intervals which was nice. But those 3 minutes seemed surprisingly short! The last half an hour I was really struggling and couldn’t wait to get to the finish but once we were close to the finish I was actually sad that it was all over. I finished much later than I expected but I loved (nearly) every minute of it!

We ran past Salisbury Cathedral as part of the race.

This was the most beautiful race I have ever run and for the first time ever am considering running this race next year again (I usually prefer running somewhere new)! The scenery was stunning, people were lovely and it was super cheap! And I later found out that Steve Way ran it too! I never saw him though as he finished about 2.5 hours before me.

I am proper hocked on the longer distances and am now looking for my next ultra. I really would like to do 50 miler. I loved the laid back atmosphere, being able to walk without feeling too guilty and speaking to loads of inspirational runners who have crazy races/challenges planned. I especially loved that these were all normal people with proper jobs and kids at home. I love people who like to challenge themselves and like to think big. I can’t wait for my next race!

Green Park Royal Berkshire 10k

A couple of weeks ago I took part at the Green Park Royal Berkshire 10 k near Reading. I haven’t run a 10k in a very long time and have been looking for a 10 k race to better my PB. A friend of mine had chosen this race and as I couldn’t run the marathon which I originally planned to run that day I decided to join her. This year was the first time this event took place and nearly 1490 people took part.

The start was divided into three sections depending on your estimated finish time which was really great and most people seem to have estimated their time correctly. There were also pacers available from 45 minutes to 80 minutes. After a short warm up which no one could take part in as everyone was squashed into their starting pen the race started. I started to struggle pretty much straight away as it was very hot. It was over 20° C at 10.30 am! The 50 minute pacer had started a lot further ahead of me but I tried to keep her in sight. After about 5 k I managed to reach her and ran just before or behind her for the rest of the race. I had to consistently talk to myself positively to not stop or lower the pace. It was really hard going. I know that I have run 48 minutes for 10 k in the gym before and knew that I could do it but it felt so hard. The course was I must say a bit of a disappointment. On their website it says: “The route is an attractive mix of landscaped parkland and rural tree lined roads. There will be bands and entertainment on route to keep you motivated”. Well there were trees next to the road but I don’t know how many times we crossed noisy motorways and I did not see any landscaped parkland either.  And for the motivating bands, there was one brass band. They definitely employed a marketing person with wild imagination to write their website!

I managed to hold it together and finish in 49 minutes 37 seconds. I was happy with my sub 50 minutes especially post injury but would like to go sub 49 minutes next time. I know I can do more!

My friend finished the race a bit later as she was really struggling with the heat. Unfortunately they ran out of water when she reached the water stop. As it was such a hot day some people who were really struggling had to pick up other people discarded water bottles from the floor! That is a total disgrace and is definitely something the race organisers need to address for next year’s race!

This was definitely a hard race due to the heat and uninspiring course but I still had a good day. I thought the race was well organised (except for running out of water), the medal was nice and the staggered start and pacers helped me to a new PB. And we received a technical t-shirt. If you live nearby I would recommend this race but otherwise there are many more inspiring races out there.

For the love of it

I have recently read a number of blog articles about body image and the ‘fit not thin’ campaign. I especially liked these two blog posts from Sophie and Taylor. Both made a point that many so called ‘fitness’ magazines now promote the whole fit not thin campaign however are still using skinny, touched up models. That gives people the totally wrong impression. Now you have to be fit AND thin!

Kat recently posted a picture of real athletes showing that amazingly fit people come in all shapes and sizes. And hardly any of them look anything like the models in the magazine we aspire to look like. Where have we gotten to that we criticise athletes for their body size? The most active population group there is! Doesn’t that show how screwed our body ideal is?

I also see pictures on twitter and in ‘fitness’ magazines of incredibly ripped people. I understand that some people use these images as motivation but I believe that they give you a totally unrealistic goal to aim for. We each have a different genetic make-up which means that some people become muscly more quickly than others, some people are skinny by nature others are not, some people are brunets and some are blonds. That’s what makes us all different. I personally believe that it is impossible for the vast majority of the population to look anything like the models in the magazines and having these images to aim for is unhealthy and will dishearten people who don’t see results. I have been active for around three years now and go running, swimming and the gym for strength work nearly every day. And guess what? My jeans are still the same size they were before I started exercising. And I still have wobbly bits. And am still a bit self-conscious about my big thighs. And sometimes I wish I could look a bit more like the magazine models. And sometimes I am frustrated that I do not LOOK more fit.

However I exercise to feel good. Running regularly has had a majorly positive impact on my live. It has taken me to many beautiful places, has led me to meet lovely people and given me a huge amount of confidence. I also love how running has given me the courage to try a number of different sports which I don’t think I would otherwise have. I love how being active makes me feel and that’s why I like to exercise!

I wish society would move away from exercising to achieve a certain body shape to exercising to feel good! 

At breaking point

At the weekend I took part at Ride Chartridge which is a 45 k or 100 k bike ride through the beautiful Chiltern countryside. This was my first ever bike event and as I am doing a fair bit of running I was debating entering the 100 k ride. Riding and running uses the same muscles anyway, right? Well I am so glad I decided to go for the 45 k ride as this bike ride proper broke me. I only have a mountain bike with very knobbly tires and wasn’t aware how much harder it is riding a mountain bike on a road compared to a road bike. Oh and did I mention the rolling hills of the Chilterns??? And that I have hardly done any cycling in the last few years?

On Sunday, the day of the event, I woke up to rain lashing against the window and very strong winds. I had to cycle 10 k to get to the event but luckily it stopped raining when I was half way there. I was quite tired just from cycling the 10 k and was so very nervous of what was to come. I registered, attached my bike number to my bike and off I went after a short brief. As it was a staggered start there was no waiting around and no mass start. I loved it. They should introduce that at running events as well!

My bike and number

Two minutes down the road I took my first wrong turn. It was very stupid of me and luckily I noticed straight away. The first section was downhill but lasted only 5 minutes. From then on the road was quite rough and it was hard work. And it was only the start! We made our way towards Aldbury crossing the canal. From Aldbury we took the road up to Ashridge which was very steep and winding but I am so proud I didn’t get off my bike and push! I really, really wanted to. You could have walked quicker then I was cycling! There was a photographer at the top which I thought was a bit mean. Catching you at the worst moment. We then made our way along the main road through Ashridge round Ivinghoe, past the Ridgeway and back to Aldbury passing a beautiful forest carpeted in bluebells. 

The beautiful bluebells of Ashridge

The Ridgeway on a sunny day

Coming down the Ridgeway the wind was very strong and even though it was a downhill section I still had to pedal. After passing through Aldbury and crossing back over the canal that’s when the going got really though. There just seemed one hill after the other and even relative flat section seemed to be so hard! Every pedal stroke took so much effort! I had to constantly tell myself ‘I can do this’, ‘You’re doing great’, ‘As long as your moving forward you’re fine’! And then I got lost. I followed some cyclist who weren’t part of the ride! And I didn’t notice for quite a while! That added another 5 k. I retraced my steps but a little while later I had a little break-down..mentally not mechanically. I was so done. Physically tired of cycling and mentally tired of keeping me going. I got off my bike and ate a cereal bar trying to hold back my tears. I just couldn’t understand why cycling 50 k was so hard! On the day before this event some lovely runners from Twitter cycled 60 miles from London to Brighton. Why was cycling 50 k so hard!!!! I got back on to my bike and luckily not long after that got to the finish. 3 hours and 16 minutes after l started. I was broken. I found a grassy spot to drop my bike and sat down.  I was about to burst into tears. This was so hard. So much harder than any run I have ever done. Even the marathon. I was sitting there fighting back my tears. However discovering a medal in the goody bag cheered me up as it didn't mention it on the event website. I love medals! Unfortunately I still had to cycle 10 k back home up a massive hill but couldn’t wait to get home to a warm flat. I was freezing.

A medal!

For days afterwards I have been wondering why this ride was so hard for me. Yes it was hilly, yes it was windy but why took it so much out of me. I have run nearly as far as that!

I think part of it was that I put myself under pressure that I SHOULD be going faster. I believed that going as slow as I was made me weak and unfit. Especially with my running background I thought I should be able to do this ride easily. It’s kind of sad that this self-imposed pressure brought me to the brink of breaking out into tears.

I also clearly under-estimated how hard it will be. They were handing out gels at the start and I was thinking who needs gels on a bike ride. Cycling through hilly terrain is hard and shouldn’t be under-estimated. I learned that one.

I will probably never quite understand why this ride took so much out of me. But I do know that every hard ride/run will make me stronger in the long run. I am taking part in these endurance events to test out my limits and to push them further. Events like this will make my physically and mentally a stronger person. Only by pushing your limits do you grow as a person!

Looking at the positives: I did finish. I could have easily taken a short cut and cycled home. Also I have tried something new. I wanted to take part in a cycling event for a while and I had the confidence to do it. Additionally the mental strength I have gained through this event will hopefully help me during the darker times of the ultra-marathons which I am planning to run soon.

I am not going to let this event break me. It was the most challenging event I have ever taken part in but I will get back on this bike, buy some slick tires for my MTB and have already spotted a bike event in July I would like to take part in. Practice will make you stronger, right?

Looking at the bright side

Now is the time that many runners are in their last weeks before their spring marathon. On twitter there are many excited runners who have put in the hours of training and are now nervous and excited about their big day. I was planning to be one of them but unfortunately this spring I am not going to run a marathon. And I am devastated! My running at the beginning of this year was going really well. My running pace significantly increased and I was enjoying the progress. I really, really enjoyed running and therefore went out more often than my running plan told me to. In addition I started running every day from the train station to work. It’s only 3.5 km each way but in addition to my normal running plan each day it was too much. My left thigh/knee went. I have now not properly run in 6 weeks. Since I started running I have never not run for such an extensive amount of time. I am surprised how much of an effect it has on me. I spent so much time running. And if I am not running I am reading about running and planning new races. Without being able to run I feel totally lost and frustrated. I feel like I have fallen into a big hole. I don’t really know who I am anymore. I identified myself through running.

However I believe that everything happens to you for a reason so I have been trying to see some positives in my injury.

•  This injury has made me realise again that you cannot plan your life.  Circumstances may arise for which you cannot plan and instead of getting frustrated that things don’t go your ways it is much better to just accept them. Life will never go as planned.
• Enjoy where you are. Besides the pain while running I am healthy. I have two arms, two legs and have an otherwise a healthy body. I can walk without pain. There are people less fortunate.
• I will run again and when I run again I will appreciate the ability to go running even more. Hopefully this will give me some motivation when I’m finding it hard to get up early to go to the gym.
• My body is delicate. It is not a machine. Someone on twitter posted that your body is like a plant you need to take care of. Little sleep, sudden increase in mileage and crappy food are not good nutrients for a delicate plant.
• Listen to your body. My body was achy the weeks before I got injured even after short 10ks but I didn’t give my body more than one day of rest. Stop when your body tells you to stop.
• Take breaks. I have started to really enjoy running and I tend to especially enjoy it after a big race. This however leads me to never giving myself a break from running. For the last 2 years the longest break from running I had was one week. I am slightly nervous losing my fitness but I think it’ll be good to once a year take 3-4 weeks off from running so that your body can recover. This is my plan for next year.
• Cross-training. I love running and therefore when I have some spare time I want to go running and not do something I am less keen on. However I believe that cross training is key to avoiding injury while keeping your aerobic fitness up. I would like to go cycling and swimming more often. I do enjoy cycling but I don’t really enjoy swimming as I only recently learned how to crawl and I still do not proper master it. But only practice will turn that discomfort into appreciation. When I started running I didn’t love it straight away. And I really would love to be a strong swimmer.

I will run again. My body has taken me to some amazing places and has allowed me to finish my first marathon. Now I need to be patient and let this body rest. There will be many races to come.

You want to be happy?

A couple of weeks back a number of bloggers and journalist were fortunate enough to be invited to meet the great Haile Gebrselassie. Haile has set several world records and has won a great number of marathons such as Amsterdam, Berlin (4 times), Dubai (3 times) and Fukuoka. It has also been announced that he will pace the elite field of the London 2014 marathon for the first 30k at world record pace.

He is clearly an elite runner who has made an amazing career out of running. Running is his profession whereas for most of us it is just our hobby. Yet although he runs very competitively I was surprised to read that he recognises the effects running has on the mind. The Women’s running editor who met Haile quoted him as saying:

“Don’t just run for weight loss, 20 per cent of it might be for weight loss, but you should run to get fit. What I mean by “get fit” is mental fitness. Run for mental fitness.”

I believe that the positive effect running (or any sport) can have on mental health needs to be more widely talked about. People are aware that running temporarily can release endorphins but I don’t think they are aware that regular exercise can stabilise your mood even on days you don’t run. I have been struggling with low mood for the last 10 years or so. I have tried a number of methods to try and stabilise my mood. Unfortunately nothing quite worked for me. Since I started running regularly two years ago the ‘down times’ are much less frequent and I wake every morning with a much more positive mind set. I wish someone had told me years ago about running. However if you want to run to improve your mental health you need to run regularly. I believe 4-5 times a week is best even if it is for short durations. You don’t necessarily need to run. There are plenty of other sports out there which get your heart pumping.   

Lazygirlrunning wrote about her encounter with Haile on her blog. Haile said to her:

“Running is everything. It’s the best medicine. It makes you fit in your mind and helps you with stress. When you get back from your run you have a shower, but you’ve already had a shower in here [points to head].”

You want to be happy? Get out there and run!!!